What’s up with the 2011 holiday season being so lame? Hah. I really miss my dad and Grace right now. And him.
Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone. I’ll be watching the fireworks in SF, third wheeling like no other. Stay safe tonight, one love.
Her soft-spoken-when-tired voice. Her belting voice when her vocal cords ring. Her smile when we lock eyes. Her eyes, the way they crunch when she smiles. Her hands… Little. Yet fitting for my own. Her hair, always so lovely, shining luxuriously in the sunlight. The way she walks… Headstrong,…
It’s the little things that he does, the little things that he is; the things I can’t help but go crazy over.. What we have continues to grow and amaze me every single day. Words ain’t enough. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy with another, and it’s as simple as that. I love him.
Sorry if you're getting annoyed by my excessive comments on your posts... lol. But Auds, I really do hope you feel better. It's good you let those tears out because it isn't good to bottle them up.. and we all need a good cry sometimes. (That sounded fruity on so many levels.. haha.. but it's true). Even though you're not feeling all that great today, I'm sure you'll have TONS more days where it'll be just fantastic. Hang in there gorgeous, things will get better <3
Aw, aha noo you are always the one leaving me the sweetest messages when I need them the most. Thank you girl, I’m trying. I hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas, though!
Spent Christmas day alone at the house, and now that my dad is home he chooses to go straight to his room and sleep.
Only saw my mom’s side for an hour or so yesterday, and barely half of my dad’s side even came to visit my grandma at the rehab center. Praying for her and my Kuya Claro who’s also in the hospital.
Gonna spend the rest of the night just laying down on the couch, still congested with a growing headache. Cool.
I hope tomorrow is entirely different and much better than this.
Things change. It’s not that Christmas gets worse every year; it’s that I have to get used to certain things once they finally settle into place. The whole parents thing and the drama thing and the incomplete thing and the hospital thing.. Bittersweet yet again? I believe so. But tonight was quite alright. Merry Christmas Eve, y’all. I’m so sick that I don’t even think I’ll be awake at midnight, haha.
It’s ridiculous how easily frustrated I get when it comes to talking about family plans with my dad. I honestly do hate this part of the holiday season. It makes me bitter as hell. It’s not even the fact that I want my parents to get back together; because I don’t. It’s just that I’m already busy enough, you know? It’s gotten more difficult to focus on priorities, be productive, balance friends and family and still simply be happy. I don’t always have the time and I’m sorry. Now you’re adding on the pressure of making everyone else happy and showing that I care? Of course I care. It just so happens that I can’t do everything at once.
So I’ll say it again.
Fuck separate holidays.
And fuck getting used to it.
Today, I witnessed an old man and woman leaving the restaurant I was in and noticed that they started a little commotion with their voices and sudden requests. The man left to go to the bathroom and the old woman stood in the middle by herself. She was still yelling, but not in an angry manner, about the food that was being cooked in the back kitchen. She kept repeating that she wanted to take some and began to laugh when the manager attempted to hand her a menu. The manager became frustrated, storming away and leaving her giggling employees to deal with it. For minutes the situation went on, her voice taking up the whole room and the eyes of the people wide and wondering. It was obvious that the woman had some type of disability and was not fully aware of her surroundings or the things she was saying.
I suddenly became the bystander. The person looking from the outside, judging by nature from what I was seeing; what I was hearing. I realized that this sort of occurence was one of many that I used to go through myself back a couple years when I would go out in public with my mom. I recognized the atmosphere like second nature. The undertone of murmurs, scoffs and smirks, “Oh my God, do you see that lady?” “Someone’s a little crazy in the head,” I heard. I watched as people’s faces peered up at the lady then shot back down after they realized they had been staring. The air was stiff and uncomfortable, as if all the people had stopped to wait until the restaurant was “back to normal.”
I was in no place to say anything to the people around me, and by the time the siding comments were rising up, the old man and woman had left the restaurant. It was odd, being in the position where I was observing rather than being put on the spot to take care of the person who most people see as a freak show. I guess I was just a little offended.
How is this feeling even possible? I’m forcing myself to ignore it so everyone can be happy; only because I know my opinion doesn’t matter in the end. It’s crazy how long it’s been and I still haven’t really processed what happened between us. I probably won’t ever fully understand and it’s almost something laughable at this point. I am still learning not to care; but when it comes to you, I should be used to that by now.
AND WE SAW @RONNIEYOOOOO’S FLY ASS SELF SITTING OUTSIDE OF STARBUCKS LIKE A FLY ASS NIGGA.
Then he took some of both mine and @nikostephen’s drink. Lol.
Hi Ronnie, here’s your post. I miss jew still. 3
He makes me so happy, I swear. The best at making everything better; even a day when I physically feel like shit. And when he leaves it’s not always so sad, ‘cause I know I’ll be seeing him again soon. It’s just all so real..
Sorry for the spamming of random asks. Y’all anons are ridiculous sometimes. I wonder how bored you must be!
And @jessica-aileen, I’m not sure if my phone posted that whole ask, but thank you for being such a sweetheart all the time. You are gr8 ^__^
Hey Auds, I know we haven't talked in the longest time ever. It seems like you're going through tough times right now, but I hope you'll end up pulling through. Heck, I know you will. I hope your grandma's condition gets better and I'll keep her in my prayers. Have a great night, or rather, have an amazing week. You deserve it. <3