So today, Ronnie, Sheena, and I went to McDonald’s to get something to eat after school. As usual, there were some people there who were most likely from Mt. Eden and such. No problem, right?
I’m standing in line to order, and there are these little, baby-faced white boys in front of me, holding cash in their hands as they waited. Now, they were dressed in baggy jeans, wife beaters, and Nikes. Sure, right? They can do what they want. It was odd seeing that, but whatever, right? Probably brothers, one of them says, “Hey, what are you going to get?”
And the other replies, “I have five fucking dollars! There’s hella shit I can get.”
My head shot straight down at them, eyes wide open. I couldn’t believe what I heard. In my mind, I immediately started to try figure out how old they really were. 6th grade? They might just be small or something. And yet, they go on with their conversation. “Damn, forreal! The shit here is fucking cheap.”
Then this other little girl walks in with her bike and a balloon, saying “Hey, come here and tie this shit.” The boy goes up to her, pops it with his teeth, and says “Dude I fucking popped it!” And after they ordered, we waited by the tables and I told Sheena and Ronnie what I just heard. At this point, I was so heated. In that line, I was so close to stepping in between those kids and telling them to stop. As we stood there, some guy from Mt. Eden called the little kids out and said, “Aye lil’ bruh, how old are you?”
The boy said, "I’m in third grade."
Oh. My. Goodness. You do not understand how much rage suddenly seeped through me. I went straight through all the people in the building and stepped outside. I screamed. I, myself, cussed it all out. I was sodisgusted at them, ranting and stomping around.
Seriously? I’m still angry. This generation is so headed in the wrong direction. Third grade? In third grade, I thought it was bad to even THINK about a swear word. Yet, here are a group of kids, roaming around a high-school dominated area without parental supervision, and cussing like it’s part of their daily vocabulary.
I’ll admit, I swear a mouthful every now and then. I’m surrounded by high school kids that make it part of their nature to cuss and say shit things like that and not care. That’s our own fault. Butthird grade, man. What does that tell us? Where are their parents? How are they being raised? Are they like that at school? How are they going to be when they’re our age?
We don’t realize it. We never have. The way we act everyday is “normal” for people our age. We go around neighborhoods and streets, being the stupid teenagers we are. But we don’t see how it affects the younger generation that is still a part of us, no matter how far away they seem. Do you remember acting that way when we were that age? These kids are the only ones who hold the innocence these days, and yet they’re following so quickly in our footsteps that they’re becoming who we are. They imitate our words, our actions, and set themselves in our mindsets when they haven’t experienced the same things.
I’m still so dumbfounded. Seeing those kids acting that way just makes me shake my head and look back on how easily things change. You’re in third grade, kid. I’m only a sophomore in high school and I barely talk like that. Go back to eating your Happy Meal, going home, and practicing your cursive, please.
They’re right. I’ve dealt with this enough, and it’s been too long. One would think that it would be easier for me to get over it, but something about you keeps me running back like the damn fool I am. Every now and then I’m able to clear my mind of you and set my eyes on someone else, yet you’re still there. What is it with you? Goodness.
What else would you be to me? I feel like I’m stuck in the same position that I was in when we did tried this the first time. I’m wondering when you’ll actually try to approach me, because I’m done with trying all the time and getting nothing from you. How many times have I even said that? Goodness. I’m wondering if you’re thinking of me. I’m wondering why things are the way they are. I’m wondering what you want out of me. Out of us. Sound cliche? Like I care.
Today was pretty good, I’ll say. I mean, this is basically how last year felt. Just different classes and some bipolar ass weather.
Chambers - is Chambers. Breaking out the voice at 6:45 in the morning, whasgood.
Accelerated History; Johnson - She’s alright. I can already tell she’s HELLA favoring @imheckalasexy and @jamesvuuu. Goodness. But I’m diggin’ that class, just because of the people in it. I DON’T WANT TO MOVE OUT!
Women’s Chambers - LOL at the little games we played today. It was nice seeing everyone after so long.
Accelerated English; Talbott - Oh, she’s cute! I love the way she talks. She’s pretty straightforward and seems easy to approach. I’m looking forward to this class, even if I get switched periods.
Spanish I; Horvath - I like her too. Everyone talks about her like she’s horrible, but my first impression wasn’t bad. I kinda think she’s funny. I DON’T WANNA MOVE OUT OF THIS CLASS, EITHER.
Chemistry; Walters - I’m moving out of this class, and going to Honors. That’s all.
Algebra 2/Trigonometry; Smith - This nigga talks too much. I felt like I was in the 6th grade at the pace he was moving at. Goodness.
And it was hot today. Where was this weather during summer? It’s bouta be in the high 80’s tomorrow. What. Even. I think the heat and my lack of sleep caused me to be hella slow after school got out. I was haulin’ out dumbass answers and everyone was like, “What’s wrong with you?” LMFAO. (Sorry, @concept-lt3!) Went to Rotten Robbies, felt like Show Choir days last year. :3 And since I don’t have dance, I’m bout to get reaaaaaal outta shape. Ha, awesome.
BUT HEY, MY FIRST DAY WAS GREAT. Really. & I happen to think that all the freshmen are fucking adorable. /justsayin’.
My eyes burn, my head pounds. I’ve got reality knocking at my door. Back to the daily grind, slaving over the nights and forcing the energy during the day. It’s school, once again. No longer will I spend hours doing nothing, ignoring priorities. I’ll remember how much time I wasted, thinking that everything will eventually just get better. I’ll tell myself to grow up, and I’ll tell myself to get over it. Things have changed this summer. This mind ain’t what it used to be.
What is wrong with me? I spill out all my issues onto a damn blog and I think I have the motivation to change things up after a good chunk of ventilation, and yet I’m stuck here, getting myself into the same problem every time. That was a perfect chance to take a stand and say something, and you missed it. Again. AUDREY, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Stop being so lame and do something to get yourself out of this mess. Goodness, you’re stupid.
I try my hardest not to set my expectations too high when it comes to relationships. I don’t expect a guy to call every single day, text 24/7, give me all his attention, or sacrifice the really important things just to be with me. It would be nice, but I say this because I’m really not the greatest girl out there. So why should I think that I deserve so much?
I guess it just gets a little dull when I force myself to think this way. I end up waiting and being disappointed for no reason. I give too much effort while receiving close to nothing on my end. Of course, I don’t want to be your top priority, but at least show me that I mean a little more to you than how I’ve been feeling. That’s all I ask.
I’m still frustrated, and I’m still impatient. I want you to just tell me. I don’t want to confront you, because you’ll take it the wrong way like you usually do. It’s not my problem if you can’t put it upon yourself to bring it up and talk to me about it. I’m always willing to listen, remember? I’m just tired of pretending that I don’t know anything.
And no, I’m not angry because of what you’re doing. I’m angry because you’re doing it behind my back.
I woke up at around 8 this morning to go to my orthodontist appointment at 9. Running on about 4 hours, I successfully went through that process without falling asleep. Nothing bad, besides getting my braces tightened. My teeth are sore, and it makes me not want to eat. After that, my dad and I went on a final school supply run. Notebooks, binders, dividers, all that good stuff. I think I’m set. We went home, made spaghetti and my dad went back to work.
I chilled at home for about an hour before Sheena and Ronnie swooped me, and the adventure began! We went to BK to eat stuff off the value menu, and we walked out with crowns on our heads like the true gang$tas we iz. Visited Arden at her house when there were people there, and her little niece was so hilarious and adorable! She totally made my day. “DON’T LAUGH, THIS ISN’T FUNNY.” LMFAO. I was dying.
Then we went to Jamba Juice for the $1 coffee and tea drinks and waited for Austin at Walmart. Met up with him at In n Out, and just talked about random stuff. ME AND SHEENA SLAPPED BRUNO MARS CAUSE BUBBA LOVES ‘JUST THE WAY YOU ARE’ SO MUCH. Hahaha, omg. We went to Ronnie’s house for a while before leaving. His baby kitten is so fucking cute, I want to stuff it in my pocket! And when Sheena dropped me off, we left him a voicemail of us singing ‘Just The Way You Are’. LOL.
Stayed home for an hour again, then went wiff Amanda to the B Street Fair :D It was craackin’! They had music and food and free stuff. Yeah, just gr8! Ate some delicious food, even if it hurt to do so. Frozen yogurt and hilarious ass conversations. STEVEN, HAHA. Went to her house and did whatever, and now I’m here.
Good day. First one in a long, long time. Thank you, guys. I love you allll (=